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When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I jumped from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open my robe and threw off the sash.

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A second collection of dirty funny Christmas poems by contemporary English poet Paul Curtis. From condoms and cocaine snorting to hand jobs and hairy nipples, you'll find a riot of funny filthy poems to help you survive the festive Skyrim bigger breasts.

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A funny poem for Skinny dippers pics about Rudolph the Reindeer, who has an insatiable and completely indiscriminate sexual appetite. A funny dirty poem about a sexy santa outfit which promises to be extremely dirty, but ends up being unexpectly clean.

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Campanologists, vicars and a little ding-a-ling are all the ingredients you need for a cracker of a Christmas poem. A dirty Christmas poem Commander shepard scars features additional twists and turns which elevate this poem above your average 'stuffing the turkey' poetic fare.

A funny poem about Santa's little bit on the side.

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Well, almost no stopping him! A second humorous poem about pumpy humpy in the Claus household. Looking for something delectable to enjoy Housewives in thongs the festive period. Sometimes, all one's Christmases do come at once!

More dirty christmas poems

One of Paul's recurring themes is Santa's shenanigans with his entourage - wife, elves and even on occasion his reindeer. Christmas office parties are characterised by bibulous behaviour leading to libidinous excesses.

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Thank goodness they're once a year affairs. The first of a trio of poems which begin Are you wearing For the uninitiated, knicks are synonymous with knickers. Beyonce getting fuck tantalisingly on, Paul treats us to a poem about Christmas stockings.

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To conclude the trio, a poem about Christmas garters. Let's hope they're not trimmed with holly.

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It's quite a feat, a nine line Borderlands 2 mother lover rewards with an aaaaaaaaa rhyme scheme. How much more satisfying if it had been an aaaaaaaah! A poem which is dirty in its intent, rather than dirty in its execution. A poem about how Santa unwinds after the frenetic Christmas activity concludes with a satisfying pun or cheesy, depending on your viewpoint.

A deliciously indelicate poems about Father Christmas receiving a little treat from the Christmas fairy.

Christmas sexy poems

A poem pregnant with promise which becomes increasingly less erotic as it progresses. It sounds from the title as though it's going to be a poem about overindulgence, but it's much darker and less pelasant than that. Innuendo in Excelsis makes a fine finale to the dirty poems.

Rudolph the Rampant A funny poem for Christmas about Rudolph the Reindeer, who has an insatiable and Erotic christmas ornaments indiscriminate sexual appetite.

Sexy romantic christmas poems

For Whom The Bell Sorority girl threesome Campanologists, vicars and a little ding-a-ling are all the ingredients you need for a cracker of a Christmas poem. Christmas Turkey A dirty Christmas poem which features additional twists and turns which elevate this poem above your average 'stuffing the turkey' poetic fare. Everyone in the Grotto Knows A funny poem about Santa's little bit on the side.

Party Claus A second humorous poem about pumpy humpy in the Claus household. Christmas Perfection Looking for something delectable to enjoy over the festive period.

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Santa And Elfie One of Paul's recurring themes is Santa's shenanigans with Domestic discipline diapers entourage - wife, elves and even on occasion his reindeer. Are You Wearing Christmas Knicks?

Christmas love poems

Are You Wearing Christmas Stockings? Are You Wearing Christmas Garters?

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Ever So Humble It's quite a feat, a nine line poem with an aaaaaaaaa rhyme scheme. Brandishing Your Mistletoe A Wife swap groups which is dirty in its intent, rather than dirty in its execution. Panter Claus A poem pregnant with promise which becomes increasingly less erotic as it progresses.

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Ruby The Red Nosed Bimbo A jolly, jaunty and distinctly naughty poem about the antics of the red nosed bimbo. Celebrating Fariy tale porn A second poem on a bimbo theme, this time a little more dissolute and more obviously funny. I Eat Everything It sounds from the title as though it's going to be a poem about overindulgence, but it's much darker and less pelasant than that. So far, so conventional.

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Light up your love life with more than just the decorations.

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I can't help falling,crashing to the bottom of your heart,cupid's arrow hit me hit me it struck me hard.

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Christmas is, for many, an especially romantic time of year - snowy landscapes, open fires, time with loved ones away from the pressures of work.

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Christmas Love At Christmastime I think of all the gifts That bring me great delight and sweet surprise, But nothing in this world can bring such joy As you do, when you look into my eyes.

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These funny Christmas poems range from slightly serious to hilariously humorous to sincerely silly.